Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Don't Be Happy

Hey, you...stop that. Just kidding, you're fabulous

Or do. But don’t. But it’s okay if you are. The end. Just kidding…

I feel like our culture places a lot of value on being happy. Happiness in itself is not a bad thing. Tons of things make me happy: food, sleep, other food, more sleep, naps, pizza….
But I think that’s dangerous. Being happy is good, but sometimes it's not important...

I’ve had relationships in life that provided me many happy moments. I've connected with people that I had a good time with, and had a lot in common with. The problem was I made the mistake of trying to justify red flags in these circumstances by thinking, “but it makes me happy, so it must be good.” And once those red flags started blinking and glowing and waving and generally being all up in my face, I’d gotten to a point where I was so focused on the happy moments that I was scared to give them up in favor of a life that would perhaps find me by myself, but would put me in a better space to be whole.

There have been many situations in my life that have provided me with happiness. Fun happened, memories were made, good times. However, happiness sometimes deceives us into thinking we’re in a healthy relationship or place. We chase the happiness high and assume that those moments mean whatever situation we find ourselves in when we’re having them must be a good one. Not so. I contend that being happy and being well are two totally different things. The focus should be on what will advance your life to a well place, not what to chase to keep us happy in the moment.

The key, I think, is being willing to be the right kind of uncomfortable. Discomfort does not make us happy, but it can make us well. The good news is that even in the crustiest of times, if we walk through the discomfort of the after effects of being removed from the situation, we typically come out better, more confident, and better able to discern when it’s time to be happy and when it’s time to be uncomfortable. That knowledge is invaluable.

Don’t just be happy, be well. 


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